Saturday, February 08, 2014

Allowing People to Choose Their Own Valley

Watched Tyson: The Undisputed Truth. His story is very complicated. He was unreachable and unteachable except when he was at his lowest point. I think that is the lesson. It is easy to frustrate yourself trying change a person's circumstances because sometimes it takes bad circumstances to change a person.

Be careful when sacrificing for people who aren't willing to make a sacrifice for themself. We can't assume that we are leading a person to their destiny, we may just be delaying it. Not all people are destined for wealth, success, security. Not everyone dreams and you can't dream for them.
We have to be willing to let a person go through their valley unless you want them to drag you into your own.

Mike Tyson went through his valley and when he was at his peak he had made over 300 million dollars. Without knowing it, he changed a lot of lives and the story of his fall will also.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Sometimes We See Racism Too Quickly

Sometimes we are quick to label people as being racist or a bigot when we may just be misinterpreting things. I am a Real Bama fan. Inside my man-cave I have a huge Bama national championship flag that covers a wall. I get Bama football memorabilia every time I visit my hometown and have a shrine to Bama football. I have an autographed Bama cap from Mike Dubose (yup, the horrible former Bama coach) and one of my cherished memories is the time that I stood about 4 feet from Bear Bryant when the Bama team was boarding the bus to go from the hotel to the Super Dome to play Ohio State in the 1978 Sugar Bowl. That moment was punctuated when someone shouted “move little boy!” (I was blocking the door). In my mind, it Bear Bryant who said it (which means that technically we had a conversation). The point is I am Bama fan and I BLEED RED (I know you are thinking that everybody does but being a Bama fan, I have two reasons!)

Anyways…  A few days ago after arriving in my hometown, I was driving down a street and saw the mother lode of Bama memorabilia. The items were sitting on the side of the road at the back end of a truck, clearly for sale. I planned to buy something to adorn my monument to Bama football. I could imagine no better way to harass the state of South Carolina than to constantly remind them that Bama football is better. I once wore a Bama ball cap, to work as a ticket taker at a Clemson football game (that did not go over well).

I pulled over and my 9 year old son and I got out of the truck. I was so awestruck; I took a few pictures and was preparing to go into the store, Copier Doctors, to talk about buying something. We never got a chance because a woman (I assume that she was a manager / owner) bolted out of the door. What I expected her to say was “Can I help you.” What she said was “You can’t take pictures of that stuff!” I was stunned, because she was visibly angry and aggressively confrontational. There was no sign that said “no pictures”, the items were outside and didn’t appear to be a museum display and I could not imagine what I had done just by showing up to cause her to treat me less than a customer. I was offended and it was a challenge to not respond with the aggressiveness that she displayed, especially in the presence of my son. I figured that the moment would pass. It didn’t.

I explained that I saw the items while driving and that I had planned on buying something. I also told her that I thought it would be neat to have a few pictures of such a neat display of Bama stuff (I figured that it was a harmless explanation, because it was true). She went on to loudly explain that “most people” (the way I took it was “God-fearing, people from the real south”) would come inside and ask if they could take a picture before they did (seriously???). She rambled on to say that she had a signed contract saying that she wouldn’t let anyone take picture of the stuff because people could take the pictures, and go and make molds and sell the items on their own. Without trying to escalate the situation, I asked what would stop someone from buying an item, then taking pictures and making a mold. (I was really thinking, “Why are you out here yelling at me, an adult male in the presence of his son?)

That is where my concerns for racism kicked in. I instantly thought: Would she have bolted out the door and yelled at a little old white lady, a white man? What would make her instantly think that a black man and his son taking pictures of items that are for sale, sitting outside of her shop, next to a public street was planning on doing anything other than buy something? I immediately thought that it was about race. Did she decide that I was a customer that she did not want or that I could not afford what she was selling. I offered to delete the pictures and sarcastically offered to destroy my cell phone. I pointed out how unnecessarily rude she was and then got in my truck and left. I was angry but I thought about it a few days before coming to my final assessment.

While the episode was demeaning and marginally humiliating, to think that it was naked racism or bigotry is unfair. She might have been angry at some life event or just have horrible communication or customer relation skills. I appreciated the encounter because it was real and my son and I got to talk about it. She was either a horrible person or a good person caught at a horrible moment. The situation was unfortunate, but shareable. I took offense for the wrong reasons. From afar, she judged me and got angry at me without even meeting me. I honestly will never go to that shop again but I will not judge other people’s character based on her actions.


I had to tell the story because bad experiences can contaminate us and had the potential to affect how my son viewed people and I am a better father than that.