I think that I figured out that I was heavier than I thought was about 2 years after everyone else on earth did. The big hint was during a pickup basketball game one of the opponents yelled to his team mate "Hey go guard the big guy!". It was very surreal for a couple of reasons. First, I was holding the ball and the other was the fact that his team mate immediately ran over to guard me. I guess I had expected him to stop and ask his team mate who he was talking about. Why would he come and cover me, since this perfectly healthy Adonis was dribbling the ball? He should have at least been confused about who he was talking about. Despite my expectations, he immediately came to me. That's when it hit me, I was "the big guy."
The year was 1983, I had been in the Navy for 3 years. I went directly to the military after high school. I was a decent athlete in high school. I played football and ran track for all four years and ironically, had a weight problem. I couldn't gain weight. I was 5'7 inches tall and weighed 149 lbs when I graduated. I made a $1 bet with a team mate who had a similar issue. We challenged each other to see who could get to 150 lbs first. I was reasonably fit and fast. Leaving high school and exercising in boot camp was no problem. Years after bootcamp was over, I would go for a jog most evenings.
Preceding my epiphany, I had started to modify my routine a little. The change was gradual but very dramatic. Originally I would jog from my barracks room, past the piers to the shipyard, turn left on a side street, go over a block and then job back past McDonald's, to my barracks. It was about 4 miles total. Not having a particular fitness goal, I eventually started treating myself to McDonald's at the end of my run and would just walk back to my barracks room instead of finishing the run. That is when Rome began to crumble.
Because I was stopping at McDonald's instead of running back to my room, I was getting back later. This gave me less time to do the things that I really wanted to do each evening, like look at tv. I eventually convinced myself that if I truly wanted to have more time to enjoy myself, I could just skip out on some of the running. Instead of running 5 days a week, I went to about 5 times a month (maybe) but since I still got hungry, McDonald stayed in the schedule. I would just drive there. Without thinking about the consequences, I went from a reasonable workout routine to a McDonald fat building plan. Mentally, I was just as fit and healthy as I was years before in high school but of course, no one else knew of my past success and exploits. and now I found myself on a basketball court with strangers being refered to as "the big guy".
I don't think that my experience is that unique. Your problem may not be weight but I am sure that you can find some place in your life that you have let things slip because you were holding on to memories of the past and not dealing with things as they are right now. I imagine that it would be cool, if we could bring a movie projector, a resume and witnesses to every interaction that we have with strangers so that they can have the same image of us that we have of ourselves. The tragedy is that life would get a little messy if we had to delay all interactions so that we can all establish which time period in our past that we are speaking from.
My experience gave me an opportunity to do an assessment of my habits and allowed me to be fair to people. It is ridiculous to get offended with people just because you don't understand that they are dealing with you as you are. I have a good friend who attends church regularly and does good things in the community but spends a lot of time on social media insulting others and spreading negativity. When challenged his first thought is that people are attacking him because he is a Christian. He misses the fact that during that moment he is "the big guy" and just can't see it.
The point of this post is kinda simple. Your self image is a hinderance if it is not grounded in reality. We get feedback all the time but have trouble accepting that we might not be the person that we think that we are. The best life and relationships are based on honesty and accepting things as they are. I was losing a battle that I didn't even know that I was fighting. I now fight with weight all the time. I look back and realize that if I had not given ground to bad habits, my battles would have been much easier.
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