Sometimes We See Racism Too Quickly

Sometimes we are quick to label people as being racist or a bigot when we may just be misinterpreting things. I am a Real Bama fan. Inside my man-cave I have a huge Bama national championship flag that covers a wall. I get Bama football memorabilia every time I visit my hometown and have a shrine to Bama football. I have an autographed Bama cap from Mike Dubose (yup, the horrible former Bama coach) and one of my cherished memories is the time that I stood about 4 feet from Bear Bryant when the Bama team was boarding the bus to go from the hotel to the Super Dome to play Ohio State in the 1978 Sugar Bowl. That moment was punctuated when someone shouted “move little boy!” (I was blocking the door). In my mind, it Bear Bryant who said it (which means that technically we had a conversation). The point is I am Bama fan and I BLEED RED (I know you are thinking that everybody does but being a Bama fan, I have two reasons!)

Anyways…  A few days ago after arriving in my hometown, I was driving down a street and saw the mother lode of Bama memorabilia. The items were sitting on the side of the road at the back end of a truck, clearly for sale. I planned to buy something to adorn my monument to Bama football. I could imagine no better way to harass the state of South Carolina than to constantly remind them that Bama football is better. I once wore a Bama ball cap, to work as a ticket taker at a Clemson football game (that did not go over well).

I pulled over and my 9 year old son and I got out of the truck. I was so awestruck; I took a few pictures and was preparing to go into the store, Copier Doctors, to talk about buying something. We never got a chance because a woman (I assume that she was a manager / owner) bolted out of the door. What I expected her to say was “Can I help you.” What she said was “You can’t take pictures of that stuff!” I was stunned, because she was visibly angry and aggressively confrontational. There was no sign that said “no pictures”, the items were outside and didn’t appear to be a museum display and I could not imagine what I had done just by showing up to cause her to treat me less than a customer. I was offended and it was a challenge to not respond with the aggressiveness that she displayed, especially in the presence of my son. I figured that the moment would pass. It didn’t.

I explained that I saw the items while driving and that I had planned on buying something. I also told her that I thought it would be neat to have a few pictures of such a neat display of Bama stuff (I figured that it was a harmless explanation, because it was true). She went on to loudly explain that “most people” (the way I took it was “God-fearing, people from the real south”) would come inside and ask if they could take a picture before they did (seriously???). She rambled on to say that she had a signed contract saying that she wouldn’t let anyone take picture of the stuff because people could take the pictures, and go and make molds and sell the items on their own. Without trying to escalate the situation, I asked what would stop someone from buying an item, then taking pictures and making a mold. (I was really thinking, “Why are you out here yelling at me, an adult male in the presence of his son?)

That is where my concerns for racism kicked in. I instantly thought: Would she have bolted out the door and yelled at a little old white lady, a white man? What would make her instantly think that a black man and his son taking pictures of items that are for sale, sitting outside of her shop, next to a public street was planning on doing anything other than buy something? I immediately thought that it was about race. Did she decide that I was a customer that she did not want or that I could not afford what she was selling. I offered to delete the pictures and sarcastically offered to destroy my cell phone. I pointed out how unnecessarily rude she was and then got in my truck and left. I was angry but I thought about it a few days before coming to my final assessment.

While the episode was demeaning and marginally humiliating, to think that it was naked racism or bigotry is unfair. She might have been angry at some life event or just have horrible communication or customer relation skills. I appreciated the encounter because it was real and my son and I got to talk about it. She was either a horrible person or a good person caught at a horrible moment. The situation was unfortunate, but shareable. I took offense for the wrong reasons. From afar, she judged me and got angry at me without even meeting me. I honestly will never go to that shop again but I will not judge other people’s character based on her actions.

I had to tell the story because bad experiences can contaminate us and had the potential to affect how my son viewed people and I am a better father than that.

The Value of Things That Matter

Every look a book of car values? The exact same car can has different values depending on who is selling it and to who. A 2007 Mercedes CLK350 is worth $24,912 if you buy if from a dealer but if moments before you traded it in to that same dealer the book says that it is worth $19,912. If you sell it yourself then it is only worth $22,412. The book is written to always favor the dealer. The dealer doesn't care about the car, just the profit. You can learn a lot from knowing that.

We spend too much time lobbying politicians and people in high places hoping that they will establish a moral compass for our nation. We ask them to make laws that are fair, laws the heal, laws that are just. The mistake that we make is not understanding that they are in the game for the same reason as the dealer is. You have to know your own worth and what progress is worth. Moments can't be replaced, they are just missed opportunities unrealized. We as a country must not lay our democracy in the hands of people who don't really care about it. There is no such thing as a "do nothing" congress because "doing nothing" is something. We make the mistake of putting the things that we value in the wrong hands.

According To Your Faith

There is a phrase in the Bible that puts your future into perspective. "According to YOUR faith." When you think small it is difficult to grow big. If you measure your blessing on your ability to "get", you will celebrate and consume the generosity of others. If you measure your blessings on the ability to "give", then I am convinced that you will always be richer than you can imagine.

A FB friend blocked un-friended me because I said that you shouldn't tithe food stamps and welfare. Besides being illegal, I don't believe that God's blessings are those that people put in your hand to consume, they are those that he puts in your heart to bless others with. There is nothing wrong with being helped but there is more power in helping.

Think beyond yourself and grow beyond your own limitations.

Look!!! Another Scandal

Notice how everything that happens in Washington is a "scandal" unless you really listen to everything they are complaining about and you find out that it is really a  just a "shame."

1. IRS employees in in Cincinnati flagged and scrutinized Tea Party group tax forms. (therefore we must drop all things and impeach the President)
2. Benghazi mistakes were made and in it's aftermath a political response was made that might have affected an election "before" the republicans could make a political response that might have affected an election (therefore we must drop all things and impeach the President)
3. AP phone lines seized (my favorite because what you have to read on to find out is the FBI, in the midst of an terrorist investigation, had a legal subpoena and the AP is calling the subpoena "too broad) (therefore we must drop all things and impeach the President).

Life lesson:
We might not like politics (honestly, I think that it is a game that wastes a whole lot of time) but every time we listen to the angry people in your life who live to complain and undermine everything and never expect them to accomplish anything, then you contribute to your own destruction than they do.

Then she looked down at me and said, "We are not all here for the same thing." I agreed and I never went back to that church again.

Then she looked down at me and said, "We are not all here for the same thing." I agreed and I never went back to that church again.

Of all my experiences at churches, initially I believed that the above event was the most hurtful and tragic. It occurred to me personally. At first I was offended, but it later became a sermon. It reminded me that not every issue is mine to solve. 1 Corinthians 7:14-16 discusses the sanctified woman's ability to save her whole family if her husband is an unbeliever. It concludes by saying that if the unbeliever chooses to leave, let him go because it might not have been her job to save him in the first place.

I left home at 18 years old, the son of a Baptist preacher. I went to the military and spent a whole lot of time having a great time. I went to a lot of clubs, drank a lot of stuff and acted like you would expect a young sailor to. I was selected to an advanced school and was given an opportunity to have a very profitable future. I stayed in till retirement. By the time I was 30, I had lived in 7 different states and visited 10 different countries. The most inspiring to me was Israel. I visited the Holy Sites that were important to me spiritually and recommitted myself to God on the banks of the Sea of Galilee and followed that up with being baptized in the Jordan River. On that day I challenged myself to answer honestly the question "Do I believe that Jesus is the son of God?" I made the decision to commit serving God like I believed it.

Returning home I became more active in churches and the community. I served in big churches and small churches. I served in churches in every level of growth. I served in churches that were making transitions from small to large, churches that were just newly formed and  in mega-churches with exploding growth. I never had an ulterior motive because in every case, I was just a visitor passing through. I found that small family churches needed the most help because they typically lacked people who had an interest in technology, which is a passion of mine, or had leadership that resisted changing with the times. I retired from the military, at the age of 39, heavily decorated heading to a job that would pay me more money than I needed and would give me the potential to grow personally and professionally. I gave churches that I belonged the same level of passion that I gave my military career. I visualized myself as a missionary of sorts. I had no real ties and no agenda. My concern was simply doing my best to help the churches that I belonged to prosper and grow.

The uncomfortable truth about the small churches and the proliferation of new churches is that some people believe that our relationship with God is enhanced by positional authority in a church. This is so important to them that they will sacrifice effective service for a position. Some will even get defensive when they perceive a threat to that position. I recall teaching a Sunday school lesson with power points and was challenged because someone believed that I was trying to show them up. My goal was to enhance and grow Sunday school. Their concern was not feeling comfortable with change.

I was sitting in Sunday school, on that particular day, visiting a church that I had been previously been associated with. My presence in Sunday school that day had nothing to do with my intent to stay. One of the senior deacons had asked me to return at least temporarily to assist because the church had just experienced a loss in the congregation. I had previously been a member, ministry leader and a Sunday school teacher. I had no agenda because there was nothing to gain. Honestly, I had left the church because it seemed to have no real agenda. The same people showed up each Sunday and did the same things. The same leaders were in the same positions, with no goals other than maintaining things. Everyone had become complacent and unconcerned about growth.

I could feel the uneasiness of the teacher as the lesson began which made me feel uncomfortable. Reality set in as the lesson continued. With each comment that I made to provide input to the lesson I could feel resistance not only from the teacher but also from others in the room who felt challenged by my presence. Then the comment came out "We are not all here for the same thing" accompanied with eye contact and a sneer. I took it personally because it was meant to be, but I shouldn't have. It was a reminder to me that I was in the company of adults who chose to attend that church for a reason. I was in the company of people who were not complacent. They were happy with things just as they were. I was making the mistake of trying to force my Holy Land experience on people who have a right to mature and grow at their own pace. Just as I had the right to move on, they had a choice to stay. So I realized that the comment really wasn't vindictive, it was actually a message from God saying, this is not the place for you.

I moved on to another church that is active and supportive where my whole family can grow where everyone is there for "the same thing". At least the same things that I am looking for.

Your Calling and Your Destiny

I have always believed that we all have a calling and a destiny. I think that I have been pretty good at pursuing mine. I am working on my second career, faithful to my family and pursing my talents and passions in my spare time. I am a giver in spirit and believe in that we honor God by showing successes every now and then. 

Unfortunately, I think that far too many people waste a lot of time accomplishing nothing. There is more to a Christ-centered life than just going to church. Encourage your church to do something. There is more to communication with God than just praying. Supplement your prayers with a spirit that show that your prayers get answered. I would encourage you to find your passion and do it. Life is too short and your calling is important.

If God allowed his chosen people to die in their desert, you can surely perish in yours.

Arguing Against Your Own Opinon

I remember having a conversation with a friend who was highly upset with social programs. She was complaining about the President, Democrats, liberals and basically anything that deviated from her very narrow point of view. She was a republican and she explained how she viewed liberals as weak, unpatriotic tree-hugging, non-Christians who were ruining this country by allowing people to have freedoms that she thought they shouldn't have. Her arguments and her opinion were her own and I did not challenge them because they were silly anyway.

What I did was challenge her with a few facts. She was a housewife with a mentally challenged son. Her family's combined household income was at or below the poverty level. Her husband had spent much of the last year on unemployment. Her son was receiving a disability check and health assistance from the government and since she was not working, she was not paying into social security and medicare that she would one day receive.

I am retired military, work in the nuclear power industry and my salary is in the top 10% of wage earners. I have been married for 29 years to one wife. I am a democrat but do not agree with every democratic idea. I am a Christian who pays the maximum into social security every year and being solidly in the middle class, I get no extra benefits from the government. I don't make enough to get the massive tax cuts and loop holes of the rich but I also make too much to benefit from the tax breaks of the poor.

So, I was really the "conservative" that my friend visualized that she was. The person that she was focusing her anger at was herself. Much of the time, most of the nation is actually arguing with itself about itself. If you were to do basic research and look at who is actually benefiting from social programs you will find that the recipients fall into two categories. Those categories are the poor and the very rich. The money is funneled to the rich directly from the hands of the poor. You can argue that we spend too much on medicare, but you can't do it without acknowledging that medicare recipients are overcharged for services by some very wealthy companies. My father is being charged $6000 a month  (standard charge) for a stay in a nursing home and they still bill medicare for his medicine. Since politicians benefit from campaign contributions, they point their fingers only at the poor. It is silly to refer to political affiliation when talking about the poor since they live all over the nation with a majority of funds going to southern states that tend to vote conservative. A large share goes to the poor in urban areas because jobs are leaving the area. Another portion goes to rural areas that never really had jobs in the first place. Another budget that is abused is the defense budget. As a nation we spend more in our defense budget than most of the world combined. The defense budget is a large jobs program which provides jobs in states building military equipment that the military acknowledges that it does not need.

I actually pay attention and think that republicans come up with some good ideas. The problem is they haven't mastered delivering good ideas without imposing their morality on us all and aggressively trying to restrict some one else's civil liberty. I can say the same thing about liberals. It would be nice if we could just drop those words and go back to calling ourselves republican and democrats because most people tend to be fiscally conservative and socially liberal.

What I am talking about is the irony of politics and the fact that people don't understand that they are often arguing about themselves. That is why it is easy for politicians to talk about the need to make cuts and not actually make any. It is a duality that is a waste of time. The lesson that I have learned is prior to entering into a political debate with anyone I should at least find out if we are talking from the same perspective. $100,000 is a huge amount of money for some and a pay cut for others. Two people need to understand how each of them value things before they can get value from a conversation.

Waiting On The Old Church To Die

I grew up in a small town in North Alabama. I was born in 1962 while the civil rights struggle was in full swing. The American civil rights struggle was born in churches and strengthened by the belief that God is able to give you strength to endure all injustices while fighting to end them. My father was a pastor and my mother was full of Faith. Like many families during hard times, you reach for whatever will sustain you. Church was such a significant part of my life that everything revolved around the habits and traditions that were passed down through the generations. Growing up in a small church gets you so much exposure to what your family and congregation believes that is it easy lose focus. Additionally when the church gets too personal, the whole congregation can inadvertently take on an identity that makes it less effective. I want to give fair warning to anyone reading this post that I am writing from my own experiences and viewpoint and do not intend to offend and hope that you respect that my intent to encourage us all to do better.

I was a fairly smart kid. I made great grades with little effort and was pretty good in seeing the value of things. I was motivated to believe that God had a plan for me but really didn’t feel that anyone at my church was talking to me most of the time. The pastor at my church had been there for decades and had a manner of preaching that was catered to meeting the needs of the people who came to hear him. He knew that the people who voted him in could vote him out. Pastors had to have alliances until he had gained enough tenure to do as he chose. Unfortunately, that empowerment came with an inflexibility. To make a suggestion was to criticize so most people didn’t make any suggestions that had a chance of changing the character or nature of the church. The conventional wisdom is the vision for the church was delivered through the pastor so people making suggestions were trouble makers. What did that mean for my church? Simply put, my pastor’s vision was to preach a sermon that would sustain the collection plate every week and that is what he did. His concern was making enough money to pay the bills, get paid and leave some money in the “building fund.” Nothing else really happened.

The identity that smaller churches took on were dictated by the deacons, elders or ruling families. Being comfortable in leadership was important. If you had an uneducated leadership team, you typically had an uneducated congregation. It is hard to maintain customs and traditions when you have someone asking too many questions.  The more educated the leadership was the more progressive the church tended to be. Most leadership roles in the church were generational and passed down in families. If you were to tell someone your last name, people were typically able to tell you what church that “your people go to.” It was not uncommon to have families split on Sundays because the husband and wife were from different families that attended different churches. Rather than pick one, they would just maintain separate memberships at both so they would not offend either congregation. This was important because family loyalty was the cornerstone to growth in the church. It was extremely rare to have a new person or family join the congregation, get involved and feel welcomed enough to stay.  

Rather than having free choice, a child was expected to join his “family church” and stay there all of his days. The result was rebellion. In order to have a choice, you had to move. If you lived close enough to your “home church” you were expected to drive there or explain to both congregations why you didn’t. A person who left his “home church” needed a letter so that the new church would not think that you were a troublemaker. The only way you could comfortably change churches was by marriage or stay away from church long enough that people forgot where you were supposed to be.

I could see all the problems that my church had and the ways to fix them but knew that I would be powerless to change anything unless I stayed at the church and waited on the older elders and deacons to die and then I might have to ability to make a suggestion that had a chance of being implemented. The other caveat is I would have to be willing to fight with all the members who held on to tradition like it is the unwritten word of God. The evidence that I was not alone in my feelings is the fact that most children left as soon as they had a choice. If they moved away from the area and got exposed to more progressive doctrines and more active congregations they tended to never go back. If they stayed in the area, they would stay away from the church until they felt comfortable coming back to play their roles or they waited until old habits and traditions died with the members who were resisting change.

I left home after high school and went into the military. It took me years to adjust to churches not like the ones that were in my area while growing up. Initially, I would find churches that were like my family church and found that I was not comfortable with them due to the same dynamic in a different form. Now I was an outsider. Being an outsider was interesting. You were valuable because people would encourage you to speak up hoping that you could influence change that they wanted but were afraid to mention. They wanted to see change without being known as the “instigator” that demanded it. One pastor made me a deacon fairly early and put me in charge of the projects that he knew his deacons either didn’t have the technical skills or courage to do. The disappointing reality is if you take a group of people who have been doing things the same way for decades and try to institute changes with the same leadership, there is only a marginal chance that you will be successful. I eventually came to the conclusion that leadership means everything. If you have a leader, who is comfortable with things staying just as they are, then he is really not a leader at all. You can’t win a battle without advancing on an enemy and you can’t have a victory if you aren’t willing to fight. It is not enough to do what it takes to maintain when the real mission of the church is to grow.

In the past 30 years, I have lived 7 seven states, visited 10 different countries and enjoyed some manner of religious service in all of them. I have seen churches in all stages. Some were young vibrant and growing, others were progressive and distinctive while some were simply dying and decaying. I remember being a part of congregations that welcomed newcomers and provided nurturing and growth opportunities for everyone. I also remember enduring the disappointment of churches that were simply holding on to the past, missing the opportunity to train and develop its youth while influencing the community around it. I think those were the saddest of all because I have always been able to look into the bored, uninterested faces of the young people who were there just because they had to be. All they were doing was waiting for the old church to die.

My question to them is a simple one. How much time do you got?

Success Among Despair. You Are Not Required To Suffer

In 1950, Poet Gwendolyn Brooks became the first African American to win the Pulitzer Prize, for her book Annie Allen. Born in Topeka, Kansas, on June 7, 1917, she moved to Chicago while she was a child. After writing and publishing many works as a teenager, she became famous for her 1945 collection titled A Street in Bronzeville. In 1950, she became the first African American to win a Pulitzer Prize, for her book Annie Allen.

Ralph Bunche served in the US War Department, the Office of Strategic Services, and the State Department during WWII. He also negotiated an armistice between Palestinians and Jews, for which he won the Nobel Peace Prize. He worked on atomic energy issues and in the Congo with the UN and set up a department of political science at Howard University. His Nobel Peace Prize was the first for an African American. He received it in 1950.

Also in the early 1950's, racial segregation in public schools was normal in America. Though, Plessy vs Ferguson dictated that all the schools in a given district were supposed to be equal, most black schools were far inferior to their white counterparts. In Topeka, Kansas, a black third-grader named Linda Brown walked one mile through a railroad switch yard to get to a black elementary school, even though a white elementary school was only seven blocks away. Linda's father tried to enroll her in the white elementary school, but the principal of the school refused. Brown went to the Topeka's branch of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and asked for help. The NAACP was eager to assist the Browns, as it had long wanted to challenge segregation in public schools. With Brown's complaint, it had "the right plaintiff at the right time." Other black parents joined Brown, and, in 1951, the NAACP requested an injunction that would forbid the segregation of Topeka's public schools.

The stories above were selected to illustrate that joy, pain and the relative condition of man is subjective to time and space. While some blacks were dealing with segregation, discrimination and bigotry, others were achieving great things. The ability to achieve was dependent upon opportunity and the ability to ignore or successfully overcome barriers. Depending upon what those barriers were determined your limitations. Children who had to suffer with the inequities of an inferior school system couldn't be expected to achieve as much as children who didn't.

We have a tendency to discount our potential because of someone else is  suffering. Everyday is filled with both joy and pain, hope and despair. Just because someone is hurting doesn't mean that you have to be. There are people who have declared that the US is headed in the wrong direction while some people are profiting from it. Ultimately your point of view depends upon what you believe your potential to be. 

What is my point? Don't wait on others and don't wait on any conditions in your life to change. Change the the conditions in which you live. Some things are beyond your control but what you perceive your strengths to be is entirely up to you. It is possible to have a joyous life. It is possible to be the oyster that holds the pearl. It is possible to be a Pulitzer Prize winning African American from a city that denies your race a quality education. It is possible to win the Nobel Peace Prize for serving in the same military that was segregated and discriminatory.

All things are possible. 

Last Moment Before Dying

I am at the age that every report about death is one that I pay attention to. While we are young, we don't even think about death as a possibility even though children die every day. Children die everyday from diseases, accidents, violence, suicides, drugs, etc... but our children move steadily forward not understanding the risks of life or just how to be grateful for the unearned blessing of simply waking up. As I have grown older I am acutely aware of the gift of life, health and the ability to be hopeful. It is a blessing just to have hope.

Recently a co-worker retired following thirty plus years of service. Like most of us he had spent the last few years managing his 401k, arranging his finances and making plans for a long and enjoyable retirement. Retiring would eliminate the need to drive in to work, the need to work long hours, the stress of working in an environment where errors are not permitted. A couple of weeks ago, he was involved in an automobile accident, miles away from home. The accident was not his fault and he was put in position where there was nothing that he could do to prevent it. The last report that I received is that he is in a hospital away from home with over 20 broken bones. So much damage was done to his body that he was placed in an medically induced coma to allow his body to heal. For weeks his breathing had to be assisted by a machine. When the recovery begins, he will not be able to use his legs for weeks. Knowing a few details, I can make an argument that there are so many things that could have happened to put him in a different place and time which would have helped him avoid the accident. But, he was there and he is fighting to fully recover and he will have to deal with long term consequences that will affect his whole life. We take too much of life for granted and make assumptions that there is an implicate promise that we will grow old, see our children grow up and have a good retirement.

This morning as I was headed to work, I had a quick reminder that our life changing moment is just a reaction away. A couple of miles from my home a car pulled out in front of me. It made a left turn across my lane. I was travelling about 35 miles per hour and was only able to react fast enough to avoid the accident because I saw the car stopped at the entrance of an apartment complex. I was surprised and reacted appropriately. I immediately slammed on my brakes and maintained control of my car as I swerved to the right shoulder. I was fortunate because I was able to miss the car by a matter of inches. The truck that pulled in front of me was a large SUV and I was driving my sports car. The impact would have been on the drivers side of the front end of the car. I would have certainly been seriously injured. I am grateful that I wasn't. After the near miss, I remained stopped by the side on the shoulder of the road. 

The other driver stopped also. I pondered getting out of the car but wondered what would have been the point. What would the driver have said? He or she would have likely said "I'm sorry." I would have likely have said "I'm blessed." I realize that some moments are reminders that nothing is promised. We must live every moment like it is our last because it might be. Enjoy the sunshine, love your family and make it a point to stay happy. It just may be your last moment before dying.

Where The Real Threat Lies

Why should Christians be concerned that atheists don't believe in God? I find it odd that we are more accepting of people who believe in the wrong thing than those who believes in nothing at all. Atheists are generally people who either have questions or haven't been convicted yet. They often are teachable and reachable because questions are evidence of an open mind. They are our mission.

They are far less dangerous than people who claim to know God but corrupt the church from within with idleness, false teaching and self serving agendas. They are the real threat.

I remember a sermon which described 4 types of people.

1. People who are saved and know they are saved.

• They have taken the time to study, grow and strive to be obedient. They understand the Word of God and work to spread the joy of the Lord and enhance the Faith. They are confident and comfortable knowing who they are and what they believe in. They are effective witnesses because they are credible witnesses.

2. People aren't saved and know they are not saved.

• They will be fine because they are aware of salvation and they will eventually have an event in their lives during which they will be introduced to God and will have an opportunity to be saved.

3. People who are saved but don't know that they are saved.

• The path to salvation is simple requiring only confession, faith and a commitment. The path has been complicated by false teachings, guilt and extra requirements imposed to mankind. There are people who after following the path to salvation fell away and don't know that God is kind and merciful and he has never forgotten them. Can you remember when people would stay away from the church simply because they came from the wrong family, social status or just couldn't afford to dress appropriately. 

4. People who aren't saved but think that they are saved.

• They are most difficult and self righteous. They have a commitment to their own opinion. They corrupt God's Word with tradition, habit and popular opinion. They came to Christ through false doctrines and continue to perpetuate them. They say the right words but show through their lives that the Word Of God is null in their lives.They know enough of the Bible to condemn others but don't follow enough of it to save themselves. They are so prevalent in the body of Christ that they disrupt the church from within. They have agendas against growth, forgiveness and justice. They are so committed to their own opinion that it would be difficult to convince them of their shortcomings even if they came from Jesus himself.

I have always been intrigued by people who get upset when a person challenges their religious beliefs. The need to be validated by others shows a lack of confidence. That lack of confidence manifests itself in a lack of credibility. If you don't believe in what you are saying, why should anyone else? I think that Christians have little to fear from the atheists outside the church. It has far more to fear from the threat within. To eliminate the threat, challenge doubt among the faithful and express confidence. If we acknowledge who we are and our shortcomings we will deal with the obvious issues that plague the church and help it be the shining beacon that it was commissioned to be.

Who Is FGCU and How Did They Beat Georgetown? And About Kentucky...

Been watching March Madness. There has been a lot of "upsets" that are not upsets at all. College basketball has changed. The schools that get the best players will probably only have those players for one year, then they are eligible for the draft and they are gone. University of Kentucky had a squad made up of the best freshmen in basketball last year, lost them and didn't make the tournament at all this year. The schools with the second tier players have a better chance to have them for all 4 years of eligibility. This means that they end up with more experienced teams and mature players with only interest for the team because they have no reason to play for the cameras. Their success comes if the whole team is successful.

There is a lesson in that. Loyalty matters. A team composed of people focused on the success of all can not be beat. There are many examples of teams strategically constructed of superstars who fail because they put their dreams and goals above the team and leadership they are supposed to serve. I learned during my military career that a team made up of goal oriented, success driven team players is hard to beat. Superstars are nice but team wins are much better.

Hey! He Said Cover The Big Guy! When Did I Become "The Big Guy"?

I think that I figured out that I was heavier than I thought was about 2 years after everyone else on earth did. The big hint was during a pickup basketball game one of the opponents yelled to his team mate "Hey go guard the big guy!". It was very surreal for a couple of reasons. First, I was holding the ball and the other was the fact that his team mate immediately ran over to guard me. I guess I had expected him to stop and ask his team mate who he was talking about. Why would he come and cover me, since this perfectly healthy Adonis was dribbling the ball? He should have at least been confused about who he was talking about. Despite my expectations, he immediately came to me. That's when it hit me, I was "the big guy."

The year was 1983, I had been in the Navy for 3 years. I went directly to the military after high school. I was a decent athlete in high school. I played football and ran track for all four years and ironically, had a weight problem. I couldn't gain weight. I was 5'7 inches tall and weighed 149 lbs when I graduated. I made a $1 bet with a team mate who had a similar issue. We challenged each other to see who could get to 150 lbs first. I was reasonably fit and fast. Leaving high school and exercising in boot camp was no problem. Years after bootcamp was over, I would go for a jog most evenings.

Preceding my epiphany, I had started to modify my routine a little. The change was gradual but very dramatic. Originally I would jog from my barracks room, past the piers to the shipyard, turn left on a side street, go over a block and then job back past McDonald's, to my barracks. It was about 4 miles total. Not having a particular fitness goal, I eventually started treating myself to McDonald's at the end of my run and would just walk back to my barracks room instead of finishing the run. That is when Rome began to crumble.

Because I was stopping at McDonald's instead of running back to my room, I was getting back later. This gave me less time to do the things that I really wanted to do each evening, like look at tv. I eventually convinced myself that if I truly wanted to have more time to enjoy myself, I could just skip out on some of the running. Instead of running 5 days a week, I went to about 5 times a month (maybe) but since I still got hungry, McDonald stayed in the schedule. I would just drive there. Without thinking about the consequences, I went from a reasonable workout routine to a McDonald fat building plan. Mentally, I was just as fit and healthy as I was years before in high school but of course, no one else knew of my past success and exploits. and now I found myself on a basketball court with strangers being refered to as "the big guy".

I don't think that my experience is that unique. Your problem may not be weight but I am sure that you can find some place in your life that you have let things slip because you were holding on to memories of the past and not dealing with things as they are right now. I imagine that it would be cool, if we could bring a movie projector, a resume and witnesses to every interaction that we have with strangers so that they can have the same image of us that we have of ourselves. The tragedy is that life would get a little messy if we had to delay all interactions so that we can all establish which time period in our past that we are speaking from.

My experience gave me an opportunity to do an assessment of my habits and allowed me to be fair to people. It is ridiculous to get offended with people just because you don't understand that they are dealing with you as you are. I have a good friend who attends church regularly and does good things in the community but spends a lot of time on social media insulting others and spreading negativity. When challenged his first thought is that people are attacking him because he is a Christian. He misses the fact that during that moment he is "the big guy" and just can't see it.

The point of this post is kinda simple. Your self image is a hinderance if it is not grounded in reality. We get feedback all the time but have trouble accepting that we might not be the person that we think that we are. The best life and relationships are based on honesty and accepting things as they are. I was losing a battle that I didn't even know that I was fighting. I now fight with weight all the time. I look back and realize that if I had not given ground to bad habits, my battles would have been much easier.

Knowledge Is Cool But Is It Power? Ehhhh???

One of my favorite scenes in Game Of Thrones, is also one of the most descriptive of how life really is. Game of Thrones is a tv series on HBO involving the quest for power among kings, lords and queens. Though the characters and dragons are mythical the lessons about interpersonal relationships is very applicable to life.

In one scene, Little Finger, a lord who operates a brothel challenges the queen with the fact that he knows things that might be embarrassing to her. In an effort to leverage his information to his advantage he whispers in her ear, knowledge is power. The queen took a step back, smiled and commanded the guards to seize him. Within seconds, the guards who had been accompanying the queen, had him restrained. She then commanded them to slit his throat. Each guard drew their blade. One blade was quickly placed at Little Finger's neck. Before the guard could cut his throat, the queen nonchalantly decided that she had changed her mind. She then ordered the guards to let him go, take three steps back, turn around and close their eyes. The guards quickly did what she commanded leaving Little Finger shaken up. The queen casually leaned to Little Finger and whispered, "Power is power."

That exchange provided a quick reality check. We often hear the saying that knowledge is power. It is a cool saying but an idiot with a willingness to work beats a lazy genius on most days. It is a fools errand to leverage knowledge if you are not in a position to make it useful. We have been duped to believe that our opinions matter. While our assessment of things might affect our relationships and choices it is our ability and willingness to create change that matters.

Please don't misinterpret what I am trying to say. I am not trying to shun book learning. I would like to believe that I am an educated man full of wisdom. But, we should use our knowledge to maximize our abilities. Your opinion and knowledge about things have a place but your ability to make things happen is much more relevant.

She Just Used Food Stamps and Got Into A Nice Car!!

Have you ever witnessed a person use food stamps or show that they are using other forms of assistance and then watch them as they leave the store and get into a nice vehicle? Have you ever seen the someone dressed far to nice to be needed use a EBT card and thought how much could the government save if the person wasn't dressed so nice? You are not alone. Even if you haven't seen it yourself, I challenge you to ask the next person that you see if they have. It isn't very hard to find someone that seems to be gaming the system. WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM???

Sorry I asked the question wrong. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??? When you think about it there are dozens of answers to the scenario, none of which are any of your business. I will throw out a few:

1. They borrowed the car.
2. They are picking up groceries for an elderly person.
3. They already owned the car when they fell on hard times.
4. They lost their job but still know personal hygiene.
5. They owned the clothes before they fell on hard times.
6. The clothes are borrowed.

The point I am trying to make is simple. It is our biases and frustration that dictate our response. In my initial example, I intentionally provided a scenario that would trigger a stereotype. Stereotypes are simply your biases personified. They reflect your opinion and attitude and can not reliably be interpreted as fact. Worrying about another person's affair only frustrates you and ruins your day. If there is a system there will always be someone abusing it. Life is too short. Don't make their abuse your problem, especially because there may not be a problem at all.

Share Cropper Nation

My grandfather was a sharecropper. Sharecropping was more  a process than it was a living. It was useful but it was deceptive in that people, in an effort to better themselves, were immersed in a life in which they were trapped and would find it difficult to escape.

Sharecroppers were hired to work a portion of land that was generally apportioned according to the size of his family. The more kids you had, the more land you could work. The land owner provided all that supplies and seed needed to work the land and would even provide help, generally other sharecropper families, when it was time to gather the harvest. After the harvest was sold the majority of the money made went to the land owner while a small portion went to the sharecropper family. The sharecropper would also be allowed to keep a small portion of the crop for himself for personal use. During the off season or winter, the money made from the sale of crops would have to be used to sustain the family along with the generosity of the landowner who would sell them food and other staples on credit, until the debt could be paid. Things were not cheap and it was the cycle of debt that ensured that the landowner would always have workers to enrich himself.

America has become a sharecropper nation. There are very few truly wealthy people. Most people toil for a paycheck under the illusion of riches. Because all the jobs and education levels are not made the same, there is an inherent but irrelevant inequity that exists that only determines how much money passes through your hands before you are buried in debt. The reality is most people will ultimately reach a level of debt that prevents them from having a different or better life just as the sharecroppers did. The sharecroppers were fooled into believing that they gain more status than others because they could work more land but it rarely provided them much more than temporary comforts until it was time for the next crop to be planted and harvested.

My grandfather ultimately paid his debt and broke the cycle. He did it first by realizing that he was stuck in a cycle. Each of us have that same opportunity. The choice is ours.

YOU live the life you choose.

What Did You Say You Wanted To Hear?

I have been amazed in the growing number of politicians that have been changing their minds on things like gay marriage and citizenship for illegal immigrants. You don't have to be that cynical to realize that they are saying what they need to say to get a few more votes. It has little to do with what they actually believe and everything to do with what they think people want to hear. I don't blame them, in politics and selling cars you take the easiest path to close the deal. What will a little dishonesty hurt?

The problem is us. Because we actively seek out information to validate our biases we are easily manipulated. We don't question people who tell us what we want to hear, even when they have their hands out asking for something as they do it.

The best life is an honest life where we evaluate life as it is, make good decisions and seek honest answers. Seeking intellectual validation from people who are asking for something is like seeking love from a prostitute. You might be stimulated for a minute but you always lose more than you gain.

YOU live the life you choose.

Outlive your season

To everything there is a season. Think about the things that we thought would last forever. Even better, add that to the things that will never really come back to the greatness that they had. Remember Blackberry phones, Myspace, personal websites, American Idol, house flipping, palm pilots, disco, Sarah Palin? One day it will be Facebook and just maybe your point of view.

In our vanity we convince ourselves that we are relevant for more than a moment. By surrounding ourselves with people who tell us what we want to hear, we are convinced that we have a support group that really might not be there. Every kid discovers that after graduating high school. Every leader finds that out with every scandal.

My point? Avoid living a shallow populist life. There is a difference between a mighty oak and a field of corn. There might be a lot more corn but, in a couple of months, only tree is still standing. Without fear it will stand alone.

I like to think that I have been successful by living my life with enough depth, thought and compassion that it has not been necessary to be concerned who agreed with it. Like the mighty oak, my goal is to outlast the changing seasons and live full and effective life of enduring value.